Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
