how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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