My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
