yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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