I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
