Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
