And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
