That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
