I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
