I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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