you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
