South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
we should paint friendship bongs
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
