guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
