thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
