The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
