i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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