Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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