I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
