it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
