a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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