Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
