I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
