It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
