If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
