Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
