She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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