i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
