I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
