Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
