Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
