you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
