but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
