I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize