can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ok first of all what the fuck
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
