I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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