I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
