Me too!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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