Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
