I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
