I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
