I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
