yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
