shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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