Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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