I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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