I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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