I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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