I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm passing your future prison.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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