stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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