it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
