mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
