Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
