Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was born a porn star she said
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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