dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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