Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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