plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
