I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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