I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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