Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
