you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
