I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
