At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
