I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
