East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
please come you make the beer taste better
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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