we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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