Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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