I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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