She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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