what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
