dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
