like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
