how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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